45 days to go!

In honor of my current location being the Atlanta airport…. here’s a little “southern” for ya:

Y’all are awesome. 

I officially have $1,789 left to raise by July 7! Yeah, that’s still a lot of money, but WOW, I’m blown away by you! If you haven’t yet donated but would still like to… click this & follow the instructions for “Sponsor a Volunteer” 🙂 While you’re there, look around a bit; Experience Mission is doing awesome things! 

This past week has been strange, tough, and an absolute blessing (Was that correct English? Was that a contradiction? Don’t know. Don’t care). 

Strange: I’m done with school (as in the whole classroom, test, library thing… I will be doing an Independent Study!) for 9 months. I can’t even begin to understand that. I’ve been doing this whole “school” thing for the better part of the past 15 years. Stopping is weird. And uncomfortable…. but also somewhat nice. Furthermore, I’m halfway through college.. WHO LET THAT HAPPEN? Time flies guys, Time flies. 

Tough: Goodbyes. Lots, and lots, and lots of goodbyes. They’re just not fun.

An absolute blessing: As unfortunate as it is, I take my friends and family for granted so often. Saying goodbye, realizing the weirdness of this situation, shows me just how blessed I am that God has put these people into my life. Also, it’s shown me just how incredible of an opportunity I have and how the Lord has done marvelous things in my life to get me here.

Let me just share one example of a marvelous thing… a little mini-testimony of how I got where I am. We’ve gotta go back a few years though! Senior year: I was as unprepared as they come to make a college decision. I basically had my choices narrowed down to Madison and Bethel. I basically knew I was going to go to Bethel. On paper, in person, in my mind and everyone else’s, Bethel was the perfect school for me: I had friends going there, a Christian school, small class sizes, not as expensive as many private schools… yet as I toured the school (maybe 2 weeks before I had to make a choice), I knew God was calling me somewhere else.

By process of elimination, that somewhere else was Madison. I wasn’t 100% on board with Madison either (sorry to my fellow Badgers), but my best friend was going there so I knew I wouldn’t be alone.  I feel confident in saying that my faith & my relationship with God would be nowhere near where it is if I had not chosen Madison. My freshman year was tough. I was in no way seeking God in my everyday life. In fact, I reached the lowest point in my faith that I’ve ever been. While I still believed, I ignored all significance it had in my life. God broke me in ways I didn’t think I was capable of being broken. On the outside, I seemed like everything was fine; on the inside, I was hurting and lonely. I am thankful that I realized (not by my own strength) that the only thing that could repair me was running back to the open arms of God. I am thankful that God chose to take away (what I felt like was) everything but Him. I am thankful that seeking God led me to seeking serving, and led me to applying for this trip. I know that God could have renewed in strengthened my faith at Bethel, but I am thankful that He had a more magnificent plan. There is no way I would have let go of my plans willingly, there is no way I would have let go of my friends and comfort zone willingly, and thus, there is no way I would have clung to God so fervently by my own will. 

I went back to Bethel this week, and couldn’t help but think, “There is no rational reason I didn’t go here. It is the perfect school for people like me.” That’s the think about God, His plans seem irrational and His methods are unconventional… But He is always good and His plans are sovereign. 

I am thankful that God breaks me to build me, challenges me so I can grow, and takes away to give me more than I could ever imagine. 

Okay, one more thing that it seems like is on everyone’s mind: I promise to be as safe as I can. Every goodbye has included a, “Be safe.” I’m going to be honest, at times I think people have wanted to add an “or else I’ll hurt you” at the end. I’ll be safe. I’m in God’s hands & plans, and that’s the safest place I’ll ever be. While who knows what will happen, I know that God is always holding me and my future- and that’s a safe bet. 

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Update

I need to share a praise. To be honest… it’s still kinda a half praise right now. 

One of my biggest fears and doubts about going on this trip has been what would happen with school. Although taking a leave of absence and re-entry would have been cake, reciprocity has been a different story. Essentially, I’d be swimming in debt at the end of school if Minnesota wouldn’t have let me claim residency there once I got back (since my parents are now in Florida). 

Although it hasn’t been something to stop me, it’s been a big worry. It’s been something I’ve attempted to give to God daily, but of course I fall short. I’m blessed to say though, even while I’m falling short with giving my problems, doubts, and worries to God, He absolutely comes through. Now, it seems like I’ll be  able to use my trip as an independent study class, which will let me graduate ON TIME and keep my current tuition status 🙂 My only obstacle remaining is finding an instructor who will supervise me, but I’m confident in God’s provision. 

On another note, I have under $3,000 left to raise in support, which is incredible because everything thus far has come from individual sponsors. I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again: I have the greatest friends and family. Love you guys! Thanks for being who you are, and loving me along the way.

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He is.

My greatest desire is to be a woman after God’s heart. To want His will more than my own. To bless and worship and glorify and magnify who He is in my every action. I crave for my soul to long for Him more than life. 

But I am selfish. And impatient. And worrisome. And definitely the opposite of perfect. 

I’m trying to love the plans that God has for me, but leaving everything is a hard process. Saying goodbye is tough. Knowing that I’m following God’s timing is nerve-racking. It’s really hard for me to not try to take control of my own life. Letting go of me, and letting God take control is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

But my God is a giver. And patient. And sovereign. And perfect. And He has a plan, and He holds the world in His hands.

I can’t lose sight of knowing that this is His story and not my own.

So I pray for His will. I pray for Him to be everything I want. I pray for confidence in Him. I pray for His faithfulness to be ever evident. 

& I praise Him for staying by my side when things are hard. For loving me while I’m doubting His goodness. For forgiving me as I’m cursing Him. For allowing me to struggle with my decisions. & For letting me be a part of His story, even when I’m not confident in my own abilities. Because God is more than enough, and when I fall short, He raises me up. 

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